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It’s a man’s world?
Filed under GeneralJan 12Being new parents Ellie and myself have been trying to decide what we are going to do about childcare and work. She studied at Oxford, she’s got one term of a PGCE to finish, she’s a trained gardener, she’s fluent in 3 languages, and she’s an artist and an accomplished musician. In short she can earn a hell of a lot more than I can as a writer and a gardener.
So this has brought us to the conclusion that we will share the childcare and work either 50-50 or Ellie will take the bulk of the earning whilst I take the bulk of the childcare. This suits me really, I’m used to staying at home and I’ll try and write in the gaps in between looking after little Douglas.
I mentioned this arrangement to someone at the local college where I sometimes teach and was shocked at their response, ‘Oh I see, you will be the woman’. I bit my tongue at the time but I’ve been fuming about it ever since. Why the hell does it need to have a gender? Why is it the housewives role? Why is it seen as emasculating to want to look after your own child rather than entrust him to a stranger! Is money really more important than bringing a child up!!? Where does this outmoded attitude come from?
I don’t want to be one of these fathers that never see his children and I don’t want my child to go motherless either. Sharing both responsibilities makes perfect sense and it takes the stress off both of us for both jobs.
It has always seemed to me that there are far too many needless divisions between the two sexes. We are currently governed by a moronic old school boys’ network who not only have no idea about modern women I doubt if they really know what it is like to be a man in the modern world. Brought up divided from both women and how men relate to women they are like children with no real sense of the world. I have to wonder if it is from this backward government that this attitude is leaking into the rest of society.
I would like to think we were progressing as a society, moving forward rather than back towards attitudes of the 1950’s. Why shouldn’t a man bring up his children in a perceived woman’s role without thinking he needs to justify it. It should just be accepted as a workable arrangement and left at that. If I want to be the main person who looks after my child then do I really need to justify it!?
6 Responses to “It’s a man’s world?”
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Elayna said on January 12th, 2012 at 12:49 pm
I find it a bit odd that you talk about it being an attitude of the 1950′s but it being an attitude that is leaking from a comparatively new government. This attitude has been around for years. Are you annoyed at people’s attitude or the government? Or both and have decided to link these annoyances together? And no you don’t need to justify yourself, people have opinions and are entitled to voice them. Some opinions may seem antiquated to you but this doesn’t mean you have to get angry about them. Anger does not really solve anything and ‘m sure your child will not want to spend 50% of his time with an angry father.
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dave said on January 12th, 2012 at 1:25 pm
Okay, perhaps it was a bit clumsy of me to mix my annoyance at the govenment with the annoyance of an old fashion attitude. It’s just it sometimes seems that attitudes are moving backwards and I wonder where it comes from!
I don’t see anything wrong with getting angry about things. This won’t mean my son has an angry father as such, just one who likes to stick up for himself and one who fights battles he thinks he is justified in fighting. In the words of John Lydon ‘Anger is an energy’ it doesn’t have to be negative. If it wasn’t for anger would we have many of the rights we take for granted such as votes for women and decent working conditions? -
I was bought up by my grandfather when small as granny was ill, mother working and dad absent. When older I spent my time 50-50 with mother and step-father. My children had a 50-50 split as well.
Methinks that you have been going round with the wrong people Dave.
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Ann said on January 12th, 2012 at 4:31 pm
I’ve been a housewife for 17 years. We wanted to raise our son and home school him. I, even as a woman, have been under fire this whole time. Mainly, it’s other women that give me grief. I’m treated in a very condescending way. As if I am lazy or sad because I don’t have a career. Being at home, saving money, gardening, taking care of animals, cooking, etc., not to mention raising a self confident, talented son are just a few of the “careers” I’ve being doing these last years. You will just have to get used to the fact that most people value what they know and what is typical of other people they know. Isn’t it similar to being a writer/gardener? Don’t you get silly comments about those life choices?
Besides all that, I think it’s commendable to make a decision without worrying about what others would think. Good for you! I’m sure there are other John Lydon quotes you could think of for those that annoy you;)
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Jessica said on January 31st, 2012 at 4:12 am
One thing I have found since becoming a parent is there are so MANY areas people feel they have the right to judge you on, how much you feed the baby, how often, what, how they sleep , the nappies you use, if they go to nursery or not, if you read to them, if you supervise them too much or too little, if you stimulate them too much or too little, toiletting, health care….the list goes on. Run your own race and ignore other people’s judgements. I think personally that your decision is a great one but even if I didn’t it’s your life and your child!
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dave said on January 31st, 2012 at 10:35 am
It’s been great to get so many comments on this post and it’s nice to see them from women too. Thanks for your comments Jessica, we do feel judged at times but you’re right, it’s our own choice how to bring him up we will just do the best job we can and hope that is enough!
